mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
