I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
