We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
