even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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