dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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