Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
