He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
