if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Damn victory sex feels great
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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