Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
