well I can't set my house on fire every night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
