Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
