Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
