R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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