I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
the raccoons are back...
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