my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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