I could make wine with my vomit
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
