I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
