Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
