she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
