U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
