how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
