I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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