in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
