just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have fence marks all over my body
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would fuck him just for his dog
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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