did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
