I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
