I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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