your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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