Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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