is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
