how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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