We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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