Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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