so let's talk penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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