The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
