Only a mothe r could love this liver
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
