I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
