Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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