Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
