Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
