Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
