I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
