i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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