So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
