You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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