The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I understand Curling. That high.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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