I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
