You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
