I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
