I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
