remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
